Because of You
by writergirl3005
Summary: The longest shadows in her life were caused by her father. Based on Kelly Clarkson's 'Because of You'.


Riza took the tray up to her father's room. Her father had shut himself up in his room for days after her mother's death. He refused to do anything. And Riza could do nothing to help him. She set the tray outside the door and knocked. "Father, I have brought you lunch. Please try to eat something. You need to keep your strength up."

There was no answer. She sighed and picked up the tray of almost uneaten breakfast. It seemed as if her father had managed to eat half a piece of toast and a few bites of eggs. _Well, at least he is eating_ something _,_ she thought morosely. Riza made her way down the stairs. There was a lot of work to do, and not enough time to finish it all.

As she scrubbed the counter top clean, she made a promise that she will never fall in love. It never lasts, and she would loose the man she loved eventually. And what would be left? Nothing but pain and heartbreak.

Why wouldn't he talk to her? Why can't he comfort her? He wasn't the only one who suffered from her mother's death. But it seemed as if her father only ever saw his own pain. Her pain didn't exist for him.

* * *

After a few weeks, her father started to come out of his room again. But it offered her little comfort. There was a mad frenzy in him that terrified her.

He had been working on a project, but he refused to tell her what it was about. All he would say was that when he succeeded (she noticed he said _when_ and not _if_ \- was her father so certain of his success?) everything would be alright again.

"Riza come here," he called.

She was absolutely terrified, but she went anyway. She stared at the array her father had drawn. It was much more complicated than any array she had ever seen before. She took note of some of the ingredients that were laid out. Water, potassium, carbon, ammonia, silicon, phosphorus, iron, sulphur. A sense of foreboding washed over her. What was her father doing?

"Would you help me Little Bird? I can't finish this without you help."

Riza shivered at his use of her nickname. She so badly wanted to say no, but the crazed look in his eyes made her reconsider. "Of course I'll help father."

"I'll need some blood. Hold out your hand," he said drawing a knife. Trembling, Riza did as he instructed. He made a small cut on her palm and collected her blood in a dish. He tossed some bandages to her. "Take care of the cut Little Bird. I need to finish this."

Riza ran out the room as fast as she could.

It not until later, when everything was over did she realise what her father had done. He never told her what he had lost, but her father was always ill and sickly after that. Riza did her best to wipe all the evidence away before calling for a doctor to treat her father.

She kept mum about the incident for years. She only told Roy after their visit to the Elric brothers in Resembool.

* * *

Despite the fact that now her father had an apprentice living with them, a boy about her age, Riza felt lonelier than ever. Roy Mustang would have been a great friend, but her father forbid her from having much contact with him.

"I will not have you corrupted by the likes of a city boy like him," her father told her once. "Those types are fickle Little Bird, he'll toss you aside once he got what he wanted from you."

He never used her name anymore. Riza wondered if it was because her mother shared the same name, or that he couldn't be bothered to remember her name.

She tried her best to keep her distance from Roy (Mr Mustang, she must remember to call him Mr Mustang). She also wanted to hate him, for he got much more attention from her father than she did.

But she felt so alone. And Roy was such a sweet boy. He spent almost all of his free time with her, getting to know her, and telling her about himself. So it wasn't surprising that they became friends. And for sometime, there was a measure of happiness in her life.

Her father never noticed. He never paid any attention to what was happening in his daughter's life.

But Roy left one day. The way he put it, it sounded as if he would not be returning. She couldn't blame him. He had come to learn Flame Alchemy, and her father refused to teach him, saying that Roy wasn't ready.

Still, the pain of Roy's departure could never compare to the pain of what her father told her afterwards. "I told you this before Little Bird, boys like him are fickle. I hope you learnt your lesson never to trust someone like that again."

Riza didn't cry (at least not in front of him). She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

She kept her feelings hidden, and acted as if nothing had happened. Roy's departure hadn't broken her heart. How could you break something that was already broken?

* * *

Her father had requested (demanded) for her help again. There was no way she could say no. And even if she could, she wouldn't. She craved any form of attention that she got from him; it was something he offered very rarely.

And when he told her what he would do, her heart grew cold. Once the secrets of Flame Alchemy were on her back, she would never like a normal life.

She could just picture it. Always being cautious, never allowing anyone to look at her back. She could never get close to anyone, for fear that they might discover the secrets that she carried.

And if the military were to find out about the secrets she carried on her back? What would become of her?

Did he even consider the burden he placed on her? Did he even care that the responsibility he placed on her would be too much?

Riza was certain that the answer was no. It seemed that her father only ever cared about his alchemy nowadays.

Soon after he finished tattooing the array on her back, he began to get worse. All of her time was divided between taking care of her father and making sure that the house wouldn't fall apart around them.

When the doctor gave him only a few weeks to live at the most, she called the only person whom she thought could help.

And it was Roy who was with him when he died.

Roy later told her what her father asked of him. _Look after my daughter._

She snorted. So after all this time, after he took everything that she had to give, _now_ he choose to care about her? She couldn't muster up any tears for her father's death.

Riza wondered if that made her a bad person.

It hurt her so much that her father's actions could still cast a shadow over her life, so long after his death. Her life was so empty, the only person she could really let into her life was Roy. Everyone else she kept at arm's length. She was too afraid of letting them in.

And the worst part of it was that she she was still afraid of her father.


End file.
